What I Seek:
A regular Joe. Red-blooded, apple-pie-eating, loves-his-Mama, believes-in-God, work-and-personally-ethical, sports-watching, kite-flying boy-next-door, without being overly invested in any single one of these areas. Someone who will appreciate a person's strengths and can accept a person's flaws without hoping for change or minding change if it happens. Somebody who is over their last relationship. I have no graven image or characteristics I seek because I personally have passed over many ads where I was 99% right and then the last line was "don't like cats" or, "5'3" minimum height". Close calls. Passing ships in the night. The brush of angel wings. I imagine some of them might have eventually liked me but I don't like a closed mind. I have come to believe that the ability to love is more intrinsic than extrinsic. Maybe I am too intense, too atypical, too, perhaps, focused, which is a form of conceit. I will work on that. I have lived most of my life in a vaccuum; only my penchant for convention has kept me out of trouble, I expect- I have spent the vast majority of my life needing to compromise with no-one except myself and that has probably made me a little bit of a square peg. I'd like to find someone intrigued enough and brave enough to withstand some possibly clumsy flirting by a sincere person.

I don't think of my life as empty, or myself as discontent. But, once in a while, in the right breeze on a warm night, or in the first moments after waking, I get a faint emotional memory, one that reminds me I used to have a different level of happiness in my life, back when I shared it with someone I cared about. I usually dismiss this plaintive voice, but sometimes feel I am living half a life; underwater. That a certain contentment, a depth of color, an intensity is missing. Could I give more to the world by feeding my own happiness? And if so, is this all about me? Enough philosophy, as my daughter says. You are no wailing wall. On a more prosaic level, I'd like someone to discuss the day with, to deconstruct the evening news, to guess at Wheel of Fortune with, to walk the dogs with. A companion in caring about mutual existence, to share thoughts with and impressions. Someone to take the trash out while I wash the dishes instead of doing both alone. A warm breath in the night, a hand to hold, a lover, a friend, a playmate. A need to be needed.

Is there any adventuresome man who will explore this glorious world with me?? I don't consider myself high maintenance or needy but do think that every moment of existence would probably be more fun with the right person.

I realize my lack of preferences casts too wide a net because certainly we all have subliminal preferences. If you have a yen for tall blondes, or asian features, my inherent attributes probably will prove to be an eventual stumbling block. But I cannot pinpoint any one factor that would make me reject someone if they were 75% otherwise what I wanted. For instance, I don't smoke but a sweet and genuine smoker would have me over a surly conceited non-smoking player any day of the week. I don't CARE what you drive, what music you listen to, how much you earn, where you live, what color your hair is, how much you weigh-the things everyone puts in ads. The factors I am looking for go deeper than that. To me, attraction is always a algebraic sort of computation-How can baldness bother me if he brings me flowers? What good is a gorgeous guy with a passive aggressive attitude? The missing tooth is a turn-off if you got it in a bar brawl. Rich doesn't make up for cheating and lies. The messy house is incidental if you can debate the finer points of existence. The blue-collar job is fine if you can fix my dishwasher. The coke bottle glasses look good on the one who will hold my hand, pat my back, let me cry and say they love me when the car breaks down and the deadlines are hammering despite 15 hour days and the house is a mess and the clients all call daily and I cannot, just cannot take another step for exhaustion (usually happens at least every Jan, March & April). I am afraid to let myself need somebody-But secretly, I want someone who will craft themselves into that one indispensible and trustworthy person I am not afraid to need. Someone who is God loving, not God fearing. Who does not have a single intractable set of rules for salvation. Broad minded enough to believe evolution and creation can co-exist. Open to possibilties, ideas and reggae. Who can appreciate the wonder of an ant crossing the sidewalk as fully as a rainbow after rain. A gentle soul who can appreciate that Michaelangelo's David, God's common dandelion and Dr Seuss' The Cat in the Hat are equal in beauty and importance in the grand scheme of things.
Who understands that the chain of moments that make up our existences ARE the reason and therefore worthy of wonder. But will still forgive me when I get bitchy on the 22nd day or when stress is eating me alive and I temporarily forget these facts myself. Someone who will give up the easy Internet fantasies for the harder but more worthwhile reality when they find someone worth crafting concessions and compromises for. Who will love me when I veg, who will love me when I run.

What type movies do you like? Your favorite & why? Hobbies? What were you doing last Sat at 8pm? Point of Origin? Important influences? Best thing that happened to you today?Favorite cuisine? Morning lark or night owl? Boxers or briefs? Shallow & pretentious or sweet & sincere? Nosy aren't I? I don't know if I'm being dumb or not, writing all this-there are so many fragile factors involved here on both ends in any equation, and intangibles do matter. There seem to be 3 steps to any attraction: The photos & writing, the live conversation, whether phone or chat, and then face to face meeting. I acknowlege that said attraction can and does break down at any one of these three points.


But, as my daughter says - what have we got to lose? What have we got to gain? And of course, the answer is, respectively, nothing and everything.

I wrote this poem for my daughter, for her Senior Memories Book:

The world is your oyster,
And you are a pearl.
So go out and conquer it
Wonderful girl.
Your heart is of gold,
And your thinking is bold
And your life is a story your living will mold.

So go out and conquer
The peaks in between
The valleys, your continents.
Sow the fields of your dreams
Go on, don't you know
There's a story to grow
I'm proud of you, Lu, more than you'll ever know.

Life's a gift so go live it.
Love's a gift, so go give it.
You're a gift dear, believe it
To the world. Go receive it.

I'm just thinking that maybe I should take my own advice. Maybe this is a step in that direction.