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I am a single mother of an 19-year-old girl, who graduated from High School with honors, is now attending college and aspires to be a teacher (art, hopefully). My mother is a teacher (second grade, retired now), and I wanted to be a teacher early in college but wound up being a CPA like my grandfather, 2 uncles and my brother. Lest you think this demonstrates a certain lack of originality in the family, I can reassure you that my sister is the Howard Garrett of Houston and proves that somewhere, at least genetically, we are capable of original action.
I was a typical SuperMom when times seemed to call for it, coached the soccer team, Girl Scout troop leader, and publicity & fundraiser chairs for PTA, and gave wonderfully imaginative birthday parties for 30 kids at a time. Meanwhile, I was on several Boards of Directors and led committees effectively enough to win chairperson of the year. I say all this NOT to brag but to explain that I suffered a sudden and serious case of burnout when I realized my priorities were misplaced - that in exchange for wooden plaques, apple shaped lapel pins and engraved pen sets, I was foregoing the most interesting thing in my life, that being my daughter. So, I pretty much gave it all up, except for a brief stint on the CPA softball team where I earned the memorable nickname "Last-Out" pretty quickly. Now, though, she is 19, capable, has good pals, is responsible and needs and deserves social time alone with her friends. And so I now need to redefine my life, and where I want to fit, again.
I am a lifelong Episcopalian, used to be quite involved with the daughter in choir, I taught Sunday school, and was treasurer and on the vestry. Unfortunately, my stint on the vestry left me a little disillusioned about the political and secular nature of behind the scenes and (rationalization alert!) my attendance has fallen off. In the time in-between, I tried a Bible Church with some friends but always came away from their slick productions feeling as though I had been to a movie or something, rather than uplifted as a proper Episcopalian service can do. But, on a personal daily basis, I read, appreciate, try to understand and embody the insights and teachings of the 14th Dali Lama of Tibet.
| CPA n da house |
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| April 2002 |
Facts about me: I usually wear dresses/suits at work, usually don't wear makeup. I dread tax season every year. I always cry at the end of Homeward Bound, when the old dog limps over the hill. Tell my daughter I love her, every day. Think Dr. Laura is so manner less & rude that even if she's right she's wrong. Appreciate mockingbirds that sing in the night, the architecture of a passionflower. Get a kick out of Iron Chef. Love my mama, miss my granny. Believe most people are inherently good. Can be a little gullible. Love roller coasters, bungee jumped (Six Flags Sky Coaster) on my 40th birthday. Compassionate, kind and honest to a fault. Believe Jimmy Carter is a great man for his intelligence, initiative, and social responsibility, not for political reasons. I value intelligence without pretension or pride. I'm independent but not terribly ambitious or acquisitive. Don't eat meat during Lent. Priorities: in the end, our only real assets are family and friends. My radio station presets are 92.5, 93.3, 98.7,99.5,96.3,102.9 and 103.7. I'm quite short (5"1'). Don't believe Bill Gates is a monopolist, but rather a shrewd businessman not content to rest on his laurels. Learned the chicken dance at my great aunts 90th bday Polka Party in Ennis in Sept. Never have had a martini. But I have been to the Margarita Ball. Not terribly fancy-prefer Target over Neimans. Like iceberg lettuce better than wild field greens. I guess I'm pretty smart but modest enough to pass it off as a good memory.
I have a typical suburban life in Richardson - lived there all my life, except for circa 1986-1989 when I lived in east Dallas (the bohemian years...). Between the house, yards, dogs, cats, cars & pool - there is always something that needs to be done. I guess that as much as anything provides an excuse for my inertia - although I have a running joke with a friend that when I get around to armourall-ing my car, I'm getting pretty low on my list of things to do.
I have been many things over the years-cool, square, cute, plain, mommy, party girl, size 3, size 13, brunette, blond, blue- eyed, brown-eyed, Deep Ellum intelligentsia, couch potato, volunteer of the year, book devouring hermit. Despite, or perhaps because of my evolutions, I have not found Mr Right. Kinder friends say it is because I won't settle. I usually go by my Mama's Maxim: Better to be alone than with the wrong person. Don't really know what I'll be next year but I am always sweet, kind, honest, ethical, well-meaning, graceful, sincere, and good-hearted but right now I am also BORED! with my life. I have spent the majority of my adult life independent but not wealthy, passionate but celibate, capable but not living up to my potential.
I want to look in someone's eyes and think/hear-"oh, so this is what it's all about", or "yeah, this is what I've been looking for all these years"..." or, "maybe this is why it happened that way before".. A reason for the present, an excuse for the past...we are only beautiful when somone thinks we are-otherwise we are just another tree in the forest. And, maybe it will happen, or maybe it won't. But, I still have hopes, and, pretty good ones too...it dosen't take much to make us beautiful, and, I don't know even that it comes from ourselves.... |
